she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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