Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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