I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
