im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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