Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
