I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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