Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
