Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
