six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
