She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
