So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
