That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
