That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
