How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
