is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize