I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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