she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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