i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize