I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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