Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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