i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
