Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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