You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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