definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
