my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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