I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Randomize
