In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
