What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
