hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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