Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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