Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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