Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
