There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
