she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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