god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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