I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
