I want to stick my p in your. b.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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