Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
