conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
