remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize