I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
bring money and cleavage
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
