i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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