My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.