I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
