Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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