Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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