Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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