i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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