I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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