You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
