I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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