This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.