Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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