She's JV to your varsity
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
