my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
