Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
