Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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