I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
