watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize