my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
