It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it hurts more in the daytime
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
