she kept yelling 'call me bella'
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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