Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
