he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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